Who runs the world? Girls.

So I have this theory.

And it could definitely be my feminism talking, but I’m pretty sure my inkling could be proven correct.

One thing I mentally prepared myself for before coming here were the harsh gender roles that much of Africa is still held by. Think of 1950’s (I’m bad with history, forgive me if that’s wrong), totally separate spheres for men and women, really harsh type of deal. That’s the present culture here, and I often have to bite my tongue in many situations. Women are definitely confined to the home, must obey their husbands (they can’t even eat if their husband isn’t home), have to kneel on the ground if being introduced to a man and sometimes just even talking to a man, have to ride side saddle on bikes, are made to wear skirts, and more.

Yet, with these strict roles, the only people who I have met here who really have their stuff together (minus a few rare exceptions) have been women.

The administrators who run successful businesses? Women. The people who run successful non-profit agencies? Women. The families that are proven successful despite their odds? Run by women.

I’m telling you, women seriously run this place yet are given half the respect and power that men are. Even though the men are the ones making all the terrible mistakes and causing problems (sorry men).

I am hopeful that over time, a very long period of time, that women will start gaining status and the lines will become less defined. People even say the women who are educated are the ones who wear jeans because they know they don’t have to abide by those gendered rules.

But, if this power difference was resolved even sooner, I really think the conditions of this country would improve drastically. The women here have to work so much harder to get to where they are, therefore (in my opinion) their work has proven to be ten times better.

If you let these women have more control and more power, this country would be in an entirely different state—for the better.

Taking Initiative.

So it has been a very full first week to say the least. And we had to experience a lot of unexpected things, to put it as objectively as possible. When we first arrived, we spent a few days settling in and getting used to our environment. We are housed in Mityana, a small town about one and a half hours outside the capital of Kampala. We are in a very welcoming compound and live right next to another volunteer, Emmanuel, and his wife, Joyce, who are basically the ones taking care of us. Joyce has been cooking all of our meals and we have been ridiculously spoiled. And Emmanuel has been nothing but kind and welcoming, and has pretty much been our light within the darkness of this very intense week (which I will later explain). We have also become friends with another volunteer who lives in town, Dennis, who runs the soccer program for Childline.

So, after we got settled in, we began orientation with the program. It was like any other orientation—quite overwhelming. We went over very basic and objective program goals, kind of what we would be doing, and that’s really it. We were all a bit confused and overwhelmed, but were pushing through and figured we would just need to see the work firsthand to really understand it.

The first programs we saw were on Saturday and Sunday, and they were amazing. Saturday is a program called Today for Tomorrow and it is an educational outreach project for children who are HIV positive and is run by Emmanuel. The program includes a basic “life skills” lesson, whether it’s about what is needed to be successful, how to have a balanced diet, hygiene lessons, HIV education, sanitation, identity building, and more. For this first session, we all just observed and interacted with the kids so we could get into the swing of how things work. It was a really awesome day and we were able to start the initial connection with the students we will be working with. On Sunday, we observed the YouthAction program run by Dennis, which is a soccer program for the local youth. On Saturdays the teams do basic training, have lessons on teamwork, learn about the different positions, and build connections within their group. Sundays are when the teams play in tournaments or regular games, so we just went to the field with the team and watched. This program has only been in place for about six months and we were extremely impressed with the turnout and interest by all the kids. There were tons of people on the team as well as tons of people who came out to watch. Dennis is also an awesome coach and has a huge heart for the program, so it was great to watch him interact with his team.

So, the weekend was awesome, but once the week started is when things started to get a bit complicated. As I mentioned before, when we went through our orientation, our jobs were a bit unclear but we were being patient in seeing what we would be doing. When Monday came around and our official work was supposed to begin, a lot of really unfortunate things began to unfold. In a nicer summary than what actually happened and has been happening throughout the week, we were basically taken from place to place, didn’t have any idea what was going on, were thrown into giving lessons we had no idea about, and some more pretty awful things. I don’t want to slander anyone and create a story that I shouldn’t be telling so I’m being a bit vague, but after we all experienced these really rough days we approached the program director to inquire what was going on. Come to find out, nothing was planned for our arrival, no programs were in place, and what we were doing every day was basically being made up the night before.

Initially when we all figured this out we were furious, angry, confused, overwhelmed, and about fifty other emotions. The way I took it, aside from the frustration, is that these programs were being created just because we were here. Meaning, they didn’t exist before our arrival. So, what was our purpose here? Why did we fly thousands of miles to work with programs that aren’t in place? Are we going to do anything that is really going to help the vast need that is present within this country? Does this agency really do anything?

After semi- cooling down, we contacted our placement agency to talk about what was going on as well as reached out to Emmanuel and Dennis to see what we could do. After tons of meetings, emails, thoughts of leaving, looking into moving agencies, and many more heavy areas of reflection, we have all decided to stay and instead of relying on the agency to place us within “programs,” we are going to create a program ourselves. We’ve concluded, hopefully, that this program will consist of us going into different agencies (specifically a different orphanage and school) each week and prepare a basic curriculum that supplements the current educational activities they are given. It is still in the very first stages of development, but I think it is really promising. We visited two orphanages and they told us they wanted us to be there for a week and were excited to have us, so we decided to follow through with this since our agency didn’t. Right now, it’s all about having to take a very large initiative we did not expect and work within the not so good circumstances we were given. We will still technically be working within the original agency, but kind of saying thanks for nothing and creating our own experience.

Although it kind of sounds like we have this grand solution, it has been an extremely heavy process for all of us to sort through. Since the program we’re going to make wasn’t in place before, will it be in place when we leave? Are we meeting a need or just filling time? How beneficial will this really be to the orphanages and schools? What is really our purpose if our original purpose was unfortunately mishandled? Have we just yet to find it?

I honestly don’t know the answer to any of these questions, and am still processing a lot on top of all of these administrative stresses. We have seen a lot. A lot of really heavy things. And I have no idea if I have even processed them. The conditions of the orphanages seemed straight out of a movie. The prevalence of HIV/AIDS is exactly, if not more, than all the stereotypes. We met two little girls, both three years old, who were raped because it is this long held myth that if you have HIV/AIDS and rape a virgin, you will be cured. We have seen malnourished children. We have seen people with severe disabilities also facing the detriments of poverty. We have seen the true forms of disease, hunger, and a lack of education. Yet, with all that has been going on, I feel like my heart has somehow become numb to it. And I don’t even know what that means. Or what it will mean.

But, aside from all of this “negativity,” we have met some amazing people and amazing children. I have never had more full conversations, more intense reflection and thoughts, and overall such an enlightened challenge.

With week one presenting itself the way it did, who knows what the rest of this experience will entail. But it is sure to be full!

Here it goes.

WANDER PASSIONATELY.

There are thoughts upon thoughts running through my head, yet they have not presented themselves to be concrete enough to understand.

Years ago, I would never have imagined that in a few short hours I would be flying to Uganda. I would have never fathomed this moment. This thought. This reality.

At the beginning of high school, I first watched the documentary Invisible Children [www.invisiblechildren.com] while I was participating in the 30 Hour Famine at my church. I had never heard of Uganda before, had no idea what child soldiers were, and had no idea how this knowledge had any relevance to my life. In the next few years, I grew more and more curious about this country, and became very involved in the Invisible Children movement. From hosting screenings at my high school, going to rallies, volunteering for the organization, and getting a paper plate award in yearbook for Most Likely to Live in Uganda (I swear it really happened)--this organization and country became a part of my identity.

When I went to college, I tried to get involved in the Invisible Children group on campus, but of course over-committed myself and things didn't quite work out. But, this identity still resonated with me. Every time I thought of how I got involved in service, where I first started to think about things outside of myself, where I began to grow a passion for the world and a passion for people, and all around when I understood what this world has to offer and the ability we have to change it, I always think of Invisible Children.

Granted, Invisible Children only captures a very very small part of what Uganda offers and the vast experiences of the Ugandan people. But, I think my story shows the beauty and experience the world presents you when you have passion and you use it. Your passion can take you to the ends of the earth when it becomes a part of you. From seeing a documentary in high school about Uganda, to embarking on a two month journey of living in the country, my passion is exactly what got me here.

With that, I have no idea where this trip is going to take me. I could be building it up and not grow in the ways I expect. Or, I could experience something far beyond my imagination.

There are a lot of unknowns before I leave, and I'm absolutely okay with that. Because the unknown is exactly what got me here. As long as I have passion in my heart, adventure in my step, and curiosity in my mind, I know I will end up where I am supposed to be and live the experience I am meant to live. I must continue to wander passionately.

μή μου ἅπτου. 

 

Another theme that has presented itself in my life, in way too many ways, is the idea of not letting anything hold me back from my dreams and where I want the world to take me. Whether that means people, thoughts, actions, standards, what have you, it is a value of mine to engage with the world and with others without any reservations.

A few weeks ago, I was introduced to the Greek phrase "μή μου ἅπτου" or roughly translated "cease holding on to me." This phrase comes from the verse John 20:17 when Jesus is telling Mary to let him go as he has not ascended into the heavens to be with God yet. There are many interpretations to this phrase and to this verse, but my personal understanding has developed from this notion of not holding back. We are all confined and restricted by so many things, that we often miss the opportunity for something great if we don't let ourselves ascend.

On this trip, I hope to keep this idea with me continuously. I have been given an opportunity far beyond anything I ever could have imagined. Whether it is in my actions, interactions, thoughts, ideas, and any other thing that many be presented to me, I hope to embrace this understanding and not be held, hindered, or detained, as I have some purpose to fulfill.

WHERE I AM, WE ARE. 

Finally, although I am going to be over twenty hours away and eight hours ahead of time, I would not have gotten to this moment without the support and experience provided by the beautiful people I am lucky to have in my life. From the life lessons given by late night talks with friends, to the continuous support given by my family every time I develop a new crazy dream, I cannot express enough thanks and gratitude to what others have done to get me here. Amongst the skepticism and hesitation of this trip, I have never felt more supported. I am bringing you all with me and bringing all of my experiences with me, as they are a part of me. So wherever I am, whether that is in Uganda or wherever my next adventure might bring me, there are so many other things and people with me as well.

With that, I am about to embark on an adventure I have always wanted to go on. Let's see where it ends of taking me!